It was a classic death. A typical slip-up while crossing the street. I was waiting for the green light and looked at the pretty girl on the other side. When I saw that she was moving away that she was about to disappear into the crowd, I longed to meet her. Feeling this extra beat of my heart that heralded that I had been hit by Cupid’s arrow, I decided to quickly follow the pretty girl.
Well, who knows if it was a true affection? Maybe nothing would have come of it – maybe I just had the start of arrhythmia? But now I was aware that nothing would come of it anyway, and whether I had the onset of arrhythmia I’ll never know.
Maybe if it had been winter, and she had been clad in a clumping winter jacket and trousers hiding the sight of her gorgeous legs, then perhaps I wouldn’t have even noticed her in the snow swirl. But, as it was already well into spring, and the hormones were buzzing all the time, this is what happened.
A squeal. A bang. A thump. A jerk. A cooling stab of pain. The gasping screams of people. And me, disoriented and yet strangely joyful. At once I felt as light as a balloon. Then there was an ascent, and after a while I realised that I was hanging face down, over myself. Or rather over the dead body that used to be me.
I ascended a little higher and noticed a gathering. It consisted mostly of excited teenagers, 90% of whom were recording memorial videos of me dying with their mobile phones. Suddenly, I knew what they were thinking and, to my horror, I realised that they were all going to upload them to Youtube, hoping to significantly increase the ratings of their channels.
I was actually relieved when I realised that this monstrous dumbing down of these people is not really my problem any more – after all, I’m not going to exist among them. Thankfully, I am dead.
And if dead, then what now? What next?
Before I started to worry more about this strange state of suspension between life and death – literally suspension because I was hanging above myself and nothing was happening – something listened to me and I started to slowly rise higher and higher.
The Earth was shrinking at an alarming rate, and I finally found myself in the blackness of space, from which just a moment later something sucked me into a long tunnel. Oh, yes, that is exactly the tunnel at the end of which there is a blinding brightness. It dazzled me too, and at the same time I knew that it was definitely not the Sun. And even if it was, it wouldn’t burn me anyway.
When I finally reached the end, before my eyes appeared a luminous being with whom I understood myself without words. I had always wanted to communicate this way with the love of my life, but as I was only sixteen, I ended up a virgin, not to mention the love of my life.
The creature put me in a really comfortable cinema chair and after a while, with a big container of popcorn in one hand and a Coke in the other, I was watching a multidimensional movie of my whole life. It was a strange film because I felt the feelings of different people inside me – if I hurt someone, I felt their sadness, if I did a good deed, I felt joy and gratitude. It was an intriguing matter.
Then the luminous being made sure I understood. I telepathically confirmed that I did – just for peace of soul. Especially that, considering my current position, the statement „peace of soul” seemed to have a completely different meaning. For the first time I felt the weight of words. And they were quite heavy. I dreaded to think what would happen if a being decided that I did not deserve peace of mind. Fortunately, it turned out that I hadn’t been as hard on myself as I thought, because soon the being told me that it was an angel. After this confession, a genuine golden gate appeared in front of me. The angel opened it and invited me inside. Having nothing more interesting to do, I followed him.
And at that moment, I realised that there is only one God, no matter what different religions call him, and that there is also one heaven, the same for everyone. But it turned out that, luckily for me, the Middle Eastern option was the closest to the truth. Heaven was full of beautiful girls, and they all smiled enticingly at the sight of me.
I jumped up shouting with joy.
– Silence! – the angel scolded me.
– Erm? – I was surprised.
– There is a prayer going on with the boss!
– With the boss? – I looked at him closely, trying to understand what he was saying to me.
And while looking at him, I was getting terribly tired because he was very bright after all. The angel telepathically received the remark about his brightness, darkened a little and it was possible to look at him without the pain of ectoplasmic eyes.
– Yes, this is the one you call God – the angel made me aware.
– And he prays too? – my ectoplasm swirled with surprise.
And I was so shocked that for a moment I stopped paying attention to all those pretty girls hanging around. And believe it or not, it was like a miracle, because all of them were naked, and as a virgin being in a particularly horny age, I should now chase them getting drooling.
And in the meantime, I was standing there stunned as if something had turned me into a pillar of salt.
– Yes. He is also praying – confirmed the angel.
– To whom!? – I almost shouted.
– You know, each of us has our own God…
Traducere, din limba poloneză în limba engleză, Julia Mraczny
