(Translator: Julia Mraczny)
Adamentes Trix loved to be a pioneer.
Fifteen Earth years ago, he resolved to be the first to descend from the astral realm, where all highly developed civilizations in the cosmos had moved, back to the material realm.
The astral realm allowed the creatures living in it a comfort that could not be experienced in the material world where everyone was immortal. However, immortality, combined with the ability of Omni-creation using thought alone, which is the most powerful force there, began to fatigue Trix in the long run. The longer it went on, and it went on for a while, the more bored he felt with just existing in an energy-information form. And although by the power of thought, he could there simulate the illusion of the material world and inhabit it at will, it was still only a simulation and somewhere in the depths of his being he longed for the barbarity of the material world. Pain, anguish, sadness – he could not remember the last time he had experienced these. Nevertheless, he shuddered at the mere mention and sympathised greatly with the last civilisation still stuck in this density of the universe. He wanted to experience suffering and sorrow once again, and when he returned to his density, to enjoy the carefree atmosphere of the astral sphere because it was simply not here. What is more, he desired to be the one to lead the tormented humanity to a new, better tomorrow.
The task seemed quite simple. He only had to persuade people to commit collective suicide and revolt against the astral guardians who send the unconscious back to Earth, so that they have to incarnate again in new bodies.
But even the simplest of tasks – and he firmly believed that people would understand him and follow him without any hesitation – should begin with a few baby steps.
The first was to materialise the space vehicle and then to materialise himself in his chosen bodily form, inside it. Then the vehicle had to land on Earth. This was marred by obstacles, as humans turned out to be a more stupid species than it seemed – before landing, he had to neutralise a whole host of all sorts of rockets, lasers and even anti-particle weapons.
Eventually, people let go and it turned out that it could be nice and pleasant after all. All it takes is a little goodwill.
Then he had to attend a whole series of monstrously boring meetings with the most important people, whom they call presidents. All in all, they were not all as special as they thought they were. And upon closer inspection, they even turned out to be far more stupid than most of the people they represented.
But well, every world has its customs, and one had to adapt to these savage ways.
When he was asked why he had come here, he decided not to reveal everything at once and announced that all he wanted was to live among the people on Earth.
He soon became an honorary resident. He lived in a magnificent villa with a pool full of a poisonous substance called water, which he had to be very careful about, because it could suddenly fall from the sky on his head and even, to his horror, pour out of the taps.
But his misfortunes did not end there. Many people wanted to chase him off the Earth. They were able to write ugly things on the walls of his villa, and sometimes they even threw water bottles with a burning cloth inside. To make matters worse, the water from these bottles was even worse than the poisonous water, because it burst into flames!
However, there were also some advantages of being on Earth. He remembered what sorrow, pain and distress meant. This pleased him immensely because he knew that experiencing this for a few moments, which is life in the world of matter, would make him happier in the state of immortality when he returned to the astral realm.
He was also regularly invited on television, where so-called interviews were done with him. In this way, he could gradually filter into the minds of Earthlings the knowledge he had to impart to them and better prepare them for the planned collective suicide.
To gain an even greater audience and win even more sympathy, he decided to do what most people do…
***
Police cars surrounded the church. Inside were only the mighty of this world and journalists from the largest television stations, broadcasting the event worldwide.
The wedding of Adamentes Trix was about to take place.
At first, there were protests – how can a human woman do this with this freak? That it is a scandal that such creatures can come to Earth and Earth women are attracted to them. That their women… belong to them, to the Earthlings, and they go with the alien!
Eventually, Trix, to calm the situation down, revealed in an interview that it would not be a woman at all.
Those who had protested so loudly fell silent. But there was also a lot of yelling from the other side.
Trix is a fagot! – they shouted. And Trix wondered whether they were not crazy, for he was not at all similar to that object which, when pressed to the lips by homo sapiens, produced high pitched sounds.
He decided that there was nothing left to say in the face of such stupidity, even if it were to result in further confusion.
And finally, the day came and everyone could see on their television screens Adamentes Trix awaiting his partner. And the only thing that bothered everyone was that this partner did not appear for a long time…
Finally, a priest approached the alien and began the ceremony:
– Do you, Adamentes Trixie, take the present Adamentes Trix as your husband and, or, wife, and promise him, her, love, fidelity and… – the priest trotted out the standard formula.
– Yes.
– Do you Adamentes Trix… – he repeated turning to Adamentes Trix.
– Yes.
– I now pronounce you husband and…. ugh, husband or wife, possibly wife and um… wife.
Adamentes Trix put a ring on his pink tentacle and the wedding was done!
The alien shed a purple tear and squealed with emotion.
Well, now it’s time for the honeymoon.
– I will go to Hawaii with him. And there, during one of the many intoxicating nights, of course, spent with each other, I will self-inseminate – Trix mused. – How fortunate that the Earthlings have allowed me to marry myself.
Adamentes Trix waved his tentacle cheerfully at reporters and teleported to Hawaii to rest there on his honeymoon. And he had already made far-reaching preparations for it – he ordered an appropriately large supply of honey.
He knew that now he must really rest well – after all, a difficult task awaited him…
